Where I Was

 A look to the past - Thursday, January 1, 2009

I remember, driving home early in the morning of January 1, 2009. The streets were empty; I, stopped at a red light a block away from home, was reflecting on how 2008 had just slipped by.

A song was playing on my car stereo that cause me to pause and think where i'd been all of the year before. "Where were you?"

As the song kept playing, I remembered feeling sad. Sad because I had missed living my life and not enjoying every moment of it (as they say). I kept thinking of all the things I had done, but I couldn't remember clearly what those things were.  Looking back, I can now remember. It's funny though, that was over 12 years ago, but I can finally remember what I did during 2008. 

Where was I? I was trying to live my life, and at the same time, I was trying to forget... so much that I forgot to live it... Sounds odd. Sorry for rambling.

I remember I had gone through a bad year. I was trying to forget a past relationship that consumed my thoughts throughout the year. I remember being obsessed about forgetting that I forgot to keep in touch with a lot of people. I don't remember making many memories that year, I just wanted to shut everything off. I remember, I used to escape to my music. The song, "Where were you?" was interrogating me as I sat in my car that Thursday morning waiting for the seconds to pass, for the light to turn green, for my foot to step on the gas pedal and finally get home. Somehow, it felt like time standing still, I couldn't let go of the thought. I felt alone, and no one was there to tell me things were going to OK; I can only see that now, because 12 years later, I feel as if though I going back in time and telling myself, as I am sitting in that car on that cold morning, that all will be well. 

That morning, the fog and the empty streets obstructed my vision, and I couldn't see past that moment. I remember feeling alone, I cried. I was stuck in that thought... I was alone inside my car. I couldn't wait to get home and drown myself in music... to forget everything; at least for a moment; not knowing that everything was going to be OK. 

I waited there behind the white lines on the concrete, counting the seconds for the light to turn green. Where was I? I was there, alone, scared, sad... I was going home.